A challenge of rather high magnitude

My colleague Jezebel, one of the nicest, funnest colleagues I could ask for, has an odd tick that's been niggling me lately. Whenever anyone cracks a joke, or does something funny, instead of laughing, she'll just exclaim, "that's so funny!"

Doesn't sound that odd right now, but I mean, it adds up after a while. If something is so funny (and I know she truly thinks it is!), then shouldn't you laugh? Or giggle or something? Instead of just telling us it's funny.

I've been trying to test her threshold at which she'll break down and actually laugh. Been trying to crack jokes all week, and well, even if  have to say so myself, I've been pretty darn funny.

This afternoon I pulled out some of the best from my repertoire. A cackle-inducing, thigh-slapping, hysteria-causing one-liner. Everyone was laughing. But yet, Jezebel just beamed at me, and said excitedly, "Gosh Ficali that's so funny!"

Imagine the teenage summer horror movies, fifteen teenagers stuck in a deserted summer cottage and they all start getting killed, one at a time. And then one girl is walking alone in the middle of the night, and something suddenly pounces out at her in the dark. But instead of shrieking in terror, she just exclaims, "I'm so scared!"

You see? It doesn't work like that.  Life simply demands more theatre and drama than that. An extra laugh or a scream or never killed anyone (except in those teenage horror movies when eventually they all die, no matter what kind of scream).

I'm sure Jezebel has her breaking point. I'm sure I'll get her to laugh yet. The gauntlet is down, may the competition begin!

Everyday, raising the bar

After being on a business trip for three days last week, I was glad to finally get home. It had been a few days of overly indulgent hotel dinners, lack of exercise, and just general grumpiness about being away from home. The previous night's dinner still hadn't settled well in my stomach. I can only assume it was e-coli in the food, because surely it could have nothing to do with the appalling nature of my own gustatory habbits.

I started feeling somewhat queasy on the flight home, always a dubious sign at the best of times. And the Bourne-Identity-style taxi ride from La Guardia into the city did nothing to quell the nausea welling in my stomach.

By the time I skulked into the apartment, I have to confess, I was a bit of a mess, a volcano waiting to erupt, the Mt. Etna of the Upper East Side.

"Hi, Ficali!" Delta exclaimed, getting up to give me a warm welcome hug. Poor chap had no clue.

But I held up my hand signalling for him to stand back. Dumped my bags in the middle of the living room. And rushed past a dumbfounded Delta into the bathroom, green in the gills, one hand covering my mouth. Hanging my head over the toilet, I proceeded to heave my stomach contents of the last three days into the toilet. Kept going. And kept going. And kept going.

I realize this makes for quite unappealing reading. This wasn't what you signed up for when you started reading this post. But wait - don't stop - you haven't even gotten to the most amazing part yet.

The truth is, I set a new record. This time, my body truly rose to dizzying new heights. When I was done being sick, I leaned weakly against the sink, trying to catch my breath. But something still wasn't quite right. I couldn't breath straight. So gabbing a tissue, I blew my nose, long and hard.  And what do you know, out popped a sliver of tomato. Out my nose. That's right. You heard me correct. I had thrown up so long, and so hard, that I actually caused a tomato to blow out of my nose.

Is that even possible? That's ridiculous. Not even sure how that works, biologically. Say it ain't so.

But alas, it is. The retching had built up so much pressure in my body,  that I blew a freaking sliver of tomato right out of my nose. Beat that if you can.

Goodbye, sugar, my dear friend

I'm not yet sure where I stand on Mike Bloomberg's stance re: the government's right to prohibit the sale of sugary drinks.

But I know this: I absolutely agree with the spirit of his argument. Obesity is a problem. For the entire society, not just the individuals themselves. Our collective addiction to sugary food poses a huge risk to the country. And inactivity is not an option.

This is not a political issue, we all need to come together do something to change the trajectory of the demise of our own making.

And for this reason, today I take a stance. It's time to cut out desserts after dinner each evening. Yes, even the Pepperidge Farm Soft Baked Dark Chocolate Chip cookies. Even those, my last bastion of sinful pleasure. (Oh, Tummy, I hope you will enjoy the dried figs with equal levels of passion and daily commitment.)

Whichever way this policy ends up going, MB, I want to thank you for bringing this discussion to the forefront of the conversation.