Training for Machu Picchu - the alternate route

Perhaps the biggest pitfall of owning a one-bed is that when the rents come to stay, it means you're out in the living room on an air mattress.

Not that we minded really. Delta and I had been totally prepared for the event. And by prepared, I mean psychologically prepared. Because where we entirely forgot to prepare, I have to admit, is to check the inflatability of the airmattress.

So here's how last night transpired. We pumped up the Aerobed. We covered it with sheets. We giggled at the fact that it included a dust ruffle. We got into bed, and went to sleep.

Only to wake up half an hour later, because there was something distinctly wobbly about our situation. I tried to turn to face the side, and instead ended up rolling right into the middle where I bumped flat into Delta. Groggy with deep sleep, he tried to flail, but fell back into the middle too. It took us a while, but finally we surmised the bed might have lost some air.

Pmped it up again, but woke up half an hour later on something akin to a semi-deflated balloon.

Pumped it up again, only to wake up half an hour later on a bed of jelly.

And so the pattern continued, until at 4am, Delta suddenly shouted out - "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!" Having just fallen asleep myself, I woke up with a jolt, and would have fallen clean off the bed if rolling were possible. But as it were, it was like sleeping in quicksand. My mind panicked, but my body stayed put.

So finally, we deflated the bed entirely, and just laid on it on the carpet. Kind of like camping, I suppose. Chalk one up for Machu Picchu training.

In the morning, we woke up determined to tackle the bed dilemma. Inflating the bed again, we pressed our ears to the surface, and kept moving around, hoping our ears would determine the subtle hiss of a leak. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack, and the futility of the venture overwhelmed us. But just as we were about the quit, there it was, I picked up the soft sound of a hiss. Followed it around with my pricked ear, like a hound following it's sniffing nose, and finally, we found the tiny pinprick hole.

So tonight, the plan is for Delta to patch it up with a bike tube patch, and so will begin attempt number two on the Aerobed.

Or, if push comes to shove, night number two of training for Machu Picchu camping.

This crazy month

There's been far more kerfuffle in May than I would have expected, I have to say. Gone is the myth that the summer is about relaxation. Come to think of it, gone is the myth that May is summer. This year's May has made a stubborn point of being rather winterly, much to my disdain. But you know how it is with the weather. You just don't get much of a say.

Last weekend, Rohinton and Jeet moved to Bermuda. Their visa took so long in the coming, that it lulled me into an unwitting complacency. Somehow, I convinced myself that life would continue as is forever. But, of course, complacency is the downfall of mankind and all that blah. So it came as a rather rude shock when Rohinton called me the other day and confirmed that their visa had come through and that they would be moving in a matter of days.

And as I do with all things more complex than tying shoelaces, I nodded enthusiastically in response, while silently shelving the news away in my mind to be processed on another day. I hadn't really thought about what it would mean. I mean, not really. So when I found myself at their going away party last Friday, it suddenly occurred to me, crikey, they're actually GOING. It means no more brunches with Jeet. No more family dinners with them and my Cos. No more... and at once, I started to panic.

My panic might have disintegrated into sheer chaos, I have to say, except that the rents turned up in town for a visit, distracting me from the void that Rohinton and Jeet had left. So this week will be all about keeping the rents entertained. Dinners, shopping, walks in the park, wine on the roof deck.

And then, of course, there's the Springsteen concert. Yes, despite all odds, and through unfathomable circumstances, Guster managed to score us some tickets to the Springsteen concert. With a sheer stroke of ill-fated and heartbreaking luck, Delta was called into training on the very same date, so as it turns out, Doobs and I, having missed ol' Springsteen in his heyday, will still be there, bopping to the tunes like teens. Talk about bringing in the Memorial Day weekend in style!

And then, of course, there's our party. At the end of May, but approaching far faster than we had anticipated, for lack of a better term, our wedding party. Only 9 months too late, but then again, as the wise adage says, it's never too late. All our friends and family together in one garden all day?! Who could ask for more. I'm excited beyond belief about the party. I know it's going to be a great day.

But right now, what with all the haps, I have to say, May is shaping out to just be a bit chaotic.

The braces mystery

What with the party coming up in May and all, I decided to dabble in a set of teeth whitening strips. You know, just for kicks and all.

So for the past three days, I've been sticking little plastic strips to my teeth morning and night.

Of course, haven't noticed any change as yet, but then again, I'm not sure what I'd been expecting. In any case, in Crest's defence, at least the strips are as minimalistic and inobtrusive as one could hope. Paper thin strips of plastic that fold right over the teeth - what more could one ask for.

You'd think one wouldn't be able to feel them at all. You'd think.

Except for some reason, each time I put one in my mouth, it's as though my mouth has been stuffed full of marbles. As though I can barely breathe or navigate my tongue, let alone engage in the more complex activities of drinking or speaking.

Unbelievable. Tiny little strips, but they pack a punch. Which makes me think, I can't for the life of my understand how people manage with real braces.

Monkey Brain

When I was young, if we ever did anything wrong, my granddad used to call us "monkey brains". Forgot to wash your hands before a meal?
"Ha, ha," he'd tease. "Monkey Brain! Go wash your hands."
Sadly, I don't have very many memories of my granddad. But I remember this.

Now, think of me as I am today. Think of all the silly wrongdoings I find myself in on a daily basis. Now multiply that exponentially, and you'll have an idea of what I was like as a kid. I was the quintessential Monkey Brain.

Anyways, the epithet left no undying scar in my mind. I haven't even thought about it in more than twenty years - well, until yesterday.

Greedy for an afternoon snack, I was trying to peel my banana in a hurry. Grabbed the stalk to break it off, and somehow, unbelievably, I broke the banana in half. I've never done that before.
Weird, I thought to myself, sounds like something a monkey would do.

Didn't really think much of it, just devoured the two halves of the banana as if it was normal. And then - and you're really not going to believe this - it happened again today.

Again, in trying to peel a banana, I actually broke it in half. It's as though I've forgotten how to peel a banana!

That's when I thought again of my granddad. He'd called it right when I was a mere nubbin.

Sigh. Once a Monkey Brain, always a Monkey Brain.

Dear Gawd

Dear Gawd,

Chalk up another year to the 5 Boro Bike Tour. There. Did it. Completed.

So what if we had to do the entire thing in the rain. Right?

The only thing I'd like to point out, Gawd, is that it rained harder, exactly during the five hours we were biking, than at any other time of the day. Not that I'm complaining. Just saying, is all. I mean - did it really have to pour for those five hours?

Again, not complaining.

Still, Gawd - the more I think about it, the more it occurs to me - I feel like I've done my penance for May. I've said my hail mary's in advance, I've racked up my karma points.

Not that I want to be presumptious, but Gawd - just seems to me like the rest of May should be handed to me like a freebie on a platter.

Just saying, is all.

Like boxers in a ring

What with Delta being away for the week, I figured it would be family bonding time for me and Queen Jaffa. So for the past two days, I've been working from home. It's a rather cosy arrangement, actually.

Seated on the couch, feet up on the coffee table, laptop on my lap, purring cat curled up next to me.

Sounds idyllic, right? It was.

That is, until Queen Jaffa suddenly got it into her head that her raison d'etre was to sleep on my laptop keyboard. And no other place was acceptable. All attempts at negotiation (belly rubbing) and bribery (nibbles) failed. She was having none of it, she wanted the keyboard and that was that.

Now, a colonizing attitude like that can end in nothing but grief.

And so it comes to be, that after two days together, Queen Jaffa and I have taken to sitting, like boxers in a ring, at opposite corners of our room, with our backs to each other.

Bike tour awaited

I await tomorrow with not a negligible amount of dread. Tomorrow, far earlier in the morning than any sane person should be about on a Sunday, I have to put on my brave face and give my muscles a run for their money. Speaking of which - my muscles, not yet entirely flexed from their winter hibernation, still squawk at me like fledgling chicks every time I exercise. Doesn't bode well of course.

Tomorrow is the New York 5 Boro Bike Tour. 42 miles, touring through all five boroughs of New York. It's something that's become a bit of a tradition in our group. Every year, we huddle together and kick off the summer with this back-breaking endeavour. It's painfully enjoyable, like scratching an itch. And just like the allergies, it's a firmly established part of our spring.

But this year, as a result of miscalculated dates, it turns out that Delta and Guster had booked themselves on a golfing trip on the same weekend, and won't be able to take part. Which leaves Lahsiv, me and a couple colleagues. Bit of a rag tag team, but it'll be fun all the same.

Now if only everyone would change their weather forecast and stop talking about the rain coming in tomorrow.