I have got to learn to say 'no'.
Mostly, as friends and family would vouch, I'm a tough cookie. But then why, why, can't I just rebut the frequent advances of charity fundraisers?
They always seem to catch me off guard on the street, and I know how difficult it it is for me to say 'no' to them, so I keep my head low and try to avoid making eye contact as I shuffle past with a nervous cough. And hope they'll pick on someone else. But I must somehow fall right in the centre of their target profile range. Feels like I'm Charity Fundraiser Magnet.
MetroHom and I were just heading back from lunch the other day, when we were approached by a volunteer fundraiser. MetroHom was the first to notice him. "Whatever you do, don't stop," he told me, "I don't want to sign up for any more charities."
But just as I tried to figure out a way to veer us in another direction, the volunteer was upon us. "Do you support gay rights?" He asked.
"We're late to get back to work," MetroHom told him apologetically.
I was mortified. It felt as though we'd just told him we didn't believe in gay rights. I mean, didn't we at least need to listen to what he had to say? "Of course we support gay rights," I came to a stop, "what's this about?"
So we listened for ten minutes, to everything he had to say, and then, at the end, when he predictably asked us for our monetary support, I summed up lamely, "Well, that's great, I totally believe in it. I, ahem, don't have time to sign up right now, but will definitely research more into this later."
We could both see through our little charade. He knew I'd never sign up. But at least I'd listened to what he had to say. My guilt felt slightly assuaged. "I can't believe you weren't even going to stop and listen," I told MetroHom.
"I can't believe you made him go through his entire spiel when you knew you weren't going to donate any money," he countered.
And suddenly, my moral high horse didn't seem that superior anymore.
"We couldn't just walk by without saying anything, it would seem like we didn't care."
"It would have just been practical."
"But don't you feel guilty if you don't at least listen to what they have to say?" I asked.
"Of course not, that's ridiculous. I'd feel worse to waste their time and then not even make a donation" he retorted.
I kept quiet. Thought about the times in London when I'd been so bad at laying the hard line, I'd gone so far as to sign up for a direct debit donation with the volunteer, only to run home and call the bank and cancel the donation at the source.
So where does one draw the line? What is the socially acceptable etiquette around saying 'no'?
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4 comments:
What's more confusing is that after listening to the poor guy go on about his organization for 10 minutes for a cause that you actually support, why didn't you just reach into your pocket and give him a few bucks?!
The impression I get from reading your posts is that you try so hard to SEEM like a good person, that you forget to try to actually BE one. Why run home and cancel the direct debits you signed up for? Why not actively choose a few charities that support causes you believe in and contribute to them? Then, when you are stopped by fundraisers on the street, you can look them in the eye and tell them that you already give to certain causes, and would prefer to stick to them. Wouldn't that be better than pretending to be a caring person while you're really trying to wriggle out of the superficial commitment you just made.
people are people. everyone has a story, a past. and that needs to be heard by someone...even if nothing comes of it...even if it's just listening.
it's good you at least took the time to hear him out.
Hmmm. Insightful. Helpful. Although it does compel me to point out, at risk of additional slander:
a) Charities aren't looking for a few bucks on the streets, they need direct debits so they can have predictable income flow
b) Some people donate money to charities, and that's great. Others volunteer their time - why shouldn't that be valid too?
c) Surely sometimes its worth stopping to talk even if you don't donate, just to find out more.
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