HR humour

The other day, I posted the following sign on my office wall:

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: Company Policy

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in teh stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders cagetory". Anyone caught smiling int eh picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Okay. I'm prepared to accept that perhaps this is only funny to an HR bod. I'm even prepared to accept its possibly bordering on inappropriate for an HR bod. But seriously? The amount of people who have now asked me if the policy above is for real, I'm a bit worried about the overall intellectual faculties of our staff.