Muddled moments and mixed messages

Is it inevitable that in today's world, rapidly racing through its phases of modernisation, de-modernisation and post-modernisation, that we should end up with a different set of societal values and ethics from our parents, no matter how much they tried to inculcate in us their way of life?

I was bantering with the mater the other day on the phone, and the conversation degenerated down the usual path of boyfriends and marriage and 'settling down'. And I say 'degenerated' because our differing views on the subject nearly always precipitate an argument. Certainly nothing unusual for her to bring up, and probably nothing unusual for any mother of daughters to concern herself about. Her point being - I'm mid twenties, I should be getting married; my point being - erm, no, only when I'm ready. But how do you explain to a mum who views marriage as the sanctuary and highest objective of life that perhaps you don't share the same ideal? That maybe life will still work out fine, even if you commit the unutterable horror of not getting married in your mid-twenties?

By having a breakdown, that's how. By making incisive remarks like "I think we just have to agree that we each have a different set of values on this one." By concluding the conversation quickly and then having a big old bawl to yourself (never did anyone any harm, let me tell ya).

But woe is the moment you have to face a parent who is disappointed and saddened by your actions, a hard cross for any child to bear. (Of course, over the phone this just comes across as a long silence - albeit easily distinguishable from the silence that follows a joke that falls flat, or the silence when they've nodded off during a particularly long-winded tale).

All in all, a heart-wrenching, heart-stopping, heart-pickling moment.

But isn't the confrontation inevitable? Would it be fairer to shield a parent from the disappointment by just evading the issue? It seems like parents get a lifetime to prepare for managing their children, but as a child you only get a moment of realisation before you have to learn how to manage your parents.