When in a bit of a disagreeable situation, do you ever miss being a child, where having a little tantrum was enough to get you whatever you wanted? When pouting or sulking or getting the odd tear in your eye was enough to earn you a comforting cuddle? When the world only existed in black and white, and even your most irrational desires seemed logical and perfectly reasonable in your mind.
Do you remember the first time, perhaps when you were seven or eight (or was I just late?), when you suddenly realised that the world wouldn't always be like that? That suddenly you were being asked to grow up, and you found that the Grown Up place was discomfittingly complicated and nuanced. That you couldn't tear at your hair and stamp your feet and holler anymore, and no one was rushing to set things right for you. That suddenly, you were expected to be, oh horrors, sensible.
I'm not often displeased, but just occasionally, by trying exceptionally hard, someone can do just the thing to disturb the equilibrium. To simmer the blood, or summon the tear. And I'm upset, but for some reason I can't bring myself to express myself, paralysed by fear of my own vulnerability. So instead I withdraw into the protective shell to lick my wounds - and get even more upset that nobody recognises I'm hurting. And the fact that they haven't intuited my feelings, although I haven't even expressed them, is somehow their fault in the perverse logic of my mind. They should have known what would make me upset. They should have known how to make me feel better.
I don't mind that it was a rocky road, if only there was a comforting cuddle waiting at the end.
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5 comments:
I know exactly what you mean, about getting upset with others close to you because you don't want to tell them that you're hurting, but want them to see it and be there nevertheless:-(
Are we just sad, pathetic creatures, or is this more universal?
Gah. I was going to retort to being called a sad, pathetic creature. But actually I should just accept it. ~FMP
I've given up being sad because no one has time to take notice..and even when they do they dont have time to respond "oh she'll come around. i wont call her for a week she'll be fine after".
Ok so maybe it was 10. :P
Nayma - that's what happened to me too. But maybe people are right. I came around :)
~FMP
It's always hard trying to find the balance between telling someone that they have hurt you if they haven't picked up on it v. hoping that they intuite it.
Caveboy
(If I did something/ do something, TELL ME!!!)
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