Letter of complaint

I was overcome by a chocolate binge craving this afternoon. How come I don't get boiled cabbage and spinach cravings like the Kate Moss' of the world? I think its intrinsically unfair.

Anyhow, when I have these cravings I'm typically hostage to them. So there was naught to be done but buy a whole pack of Pepperidge Farm's soft-baked chocolate chip cookies proceed to empty its entire contents into my waiting mouth. But after the first bite, I stopped short.

Ewww. These weren't soft. Despite the enticing promises on the packaging, these were hard and crunchy and dry, crumbling like sawdust in my mouth. Of course, this didn't stop me from eating 2-3 (just to check if they were all like that) - but - Ee-eww.

Pepperidge Farm was getting away with deceiving the unsuspecting innocents, and something had to be done about it. So I decided to write a letter of complaint to customer services:

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Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to complain about one of your products, the soft-baked chocolate chip cookies. Although on the packaging the consumer is promised cookies that are freshly baked and soft, I have discovered today that in reality the cookies are dry and sawdusty. This would not normally induce me to complain except that you obviously differentiate yourself from your competitors on the basis of your (spurious) marketing.

I have been literally unable to finish the pack, such was the poor quality. As a consumer I find this disappointing, and am surprized that a company with as much brand presence as Pepperidge Farm would incur such a reputational risk through poor quality control.

For reference, the packet I bought was item number WO 3A1455, purchased on Monday, 10/10/2005.

I have long been loyal to Pepperidge Farm for your other baked goods (e.g. multi-grain bread), and await your explanation and response.

Sincerely,

Ficali McPipe

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You think this is a joke, don't you? Well I've actually just dropped the letter off in the mail this evening.

I got the idea of complaining through one of Caveboy's friends, who once wrote a letter of complaint to a company because she found their ads on telly so boring she thought it was offensive to the viewer. So she wrote a letter to that effect to the customer services department, and received a polite letter in response explaining that they had to go through great pains to satisfy a wide variety of consumer tastes and preferences in advertising. Apparently there's a large proportion of viewers who demand boring marketing. Aah well.

Tee hee.

I wonder what I'll get back. I wonder if they'll enclose a voucher for another packet of cookies. I'm full of gleeful anticipation.