Adventures

Macklaine grumbled to me today that I seem to have all sorts of adventures and he never has any.
"Of course you do," I responded, "don't you have times when you've embarrassed yourself?!"
There was a pause. Surely he must have. Surely embarrassment isn't solely my prerogative.

And then he mentioned about a time he was reading a really funny book in the tube (London) and started laughing out loud. When you laugh out loud (or for that matter have any kind of expression other than 'grave') in the tube in London, it's considered a sure sign of insanity, and other passengers cast you nervous glances and start edging away uncomfortably. Trust me, I know.

So it got me thinking about my worst embarrassing moments in the London underground.

There was this one time, when I was fumbling through my purse for something, and mistakenly dropped a box of tampons on the floor. Not like a neat little plop that I could quickly pick up and put away and pretend like nothing happened. Oh no. Like a clunk and a fling-open and a scattering of tampons all over the carriage. 24 nicely wrapped tampons (yes, wouldn't you know it, it was a new box) rolling all over the floor in time to the rocking of the carriage.

Shite, I thought, it's time to commit suicide. And I might have done so, had I not been temporarily paralysed by panic. The other passengers studiously buried their noses deeper in their papers. Ignoring is the English strategy for potentially embarrassing situations.

So, I thought, as a tampon rolled and came to a rest by my foot, all I have to do is hang in there till the next station, and then I can jump out and never have to see these people again in my life. I figured the worst was over.

And then a young man came up to me. Dorky thick glasses, preppie tucked in shirt buttoned to the collar, the works. "Excuse me, Miss," he said, "I think this might be yours."

And there, unmistakably, was one of the tampons lying in his palm.

Was this for real? Was this some kind of joke? I gaped at him goggle-eyed. I blinked. Nope, not a dream. He was still there. His face was bright red, and I realised he was probably more mortified than me, but just felt like he was doing the Right Thing. From the corner of my eye, I noticed we were (finally!) pulling into the next stop.

"Thanks," I said, and put it in my purse. I walked out with my head held high (although my legs were trembling).

In these situations one must salvage dignity where one can.