Elevator quirks

I hate getting into elevators with other people. I know, it's a funny sort of hate to have, but there you go. There's just something about the enforced social proximity that makes me uncomfortable.

Of course, if everyone just stayed silent and stared down at their feet (as I do and as I think is appropriate elevator conduct), it would be fine. But often people feel pressured to be friendly to their co-elevator-strangers during the 30 seconds for which they are together, and I'm not very good at coping with that.

It's usually fine when there's a whole group of people all smushed together: then everyone simply keeps their head down and
(in)conspicuously eavesdrops on the unfortunate couple in the back corner who do start up a whispered conversation. And I take comfort in this consensually accepted modus operandi. Not to mention the exciting snippets one can glean from those whispered conversations. I know for instance that there's a girl on the 6th floor at work who has been crying a lot in her cubicle lately but it's unsure whether this is love-related or work-related, but the Whisperer was going to try to find out, and I hope I ride in the elevator with her (Whisperer) again one day so I can hear that things turned out okay in the end.

But sometimes, I'm stuck in the elevator with just one other person, and that's when I start getting edgy. The person inevitably tries to be friendly, making furtive efforts at eye-contact, tentatively extending social feelers. There's only so long that you can pretend the carpet is rivetting - if they're going to the 9th floor rather than the 1st, you're a gonner. And I always smile back because its rude not to, and I hope that it will end there, but it inevitably doesn't, and they say 'hi'. And I think to myself, I'm just not ready for this before my morning coffee, kid.

So this morning I was in the elevator with a gentleman from another office. Here we go, I thought.
"Morning!" he nodded.
"Hi," I said. I forced a smile, because he seemed chirpy and I thought a lacklustre response might be interpreted as rude.

Pause.

I hate awkward silences. "Sweltering outside, isn't it?" I said, because that's my standard line for breaking silences. He cocked his head to the side and gave me a puzzled smile.

When I got to my office it struck me that today's actually a relatively chilly day. Oh dear. Oh well. Not very smooth, am I? I guess that's why I hate elevator friendliness.