The Butt Pocket Tale

Philadelphia, Friday Oct 28th, 10.30 pm

Danby, Schaffs and Ficali found themselves at the entrance to an apartment building, trying to figure out which buzzer they needed to press. While Danby studied the buttons and scratched his chin thoughtfully, Schaffs and Ficali rubbed their hands to keep them warm and huddled further into their jackets from the biting wind. A pretty young lady approached the door, hands busied carrying a large basket; she obviously lived in the building and had a key. Nevertheless, she patiently waited a moment for Danby to figure out which buzzer to press.

When it became apparent that no flash of lightning brainwave was forthcoming, she decided to focus her interests elsewhere, namely on Schaffs. She turned her back to him and leaned forward slightly, sticking out her posterior towards him in what was definitely supposed to be an attractive position.

Pretty lady: "I think I might have the keys in my pocket" [sticking out posterior closer to Schaffs].
Schaffs: [uncomfortable about what he was meant to do] "Errr..."
Pretty lady: "Well they're just in my pocket, if you want to reach in and get them for me. I'd do it, except my hands are busy." [flutter, flutter, flutter]
Schaffs: [slowly getting the plot but still not sure whether to act on it] "Erm...."

Pretty lady took a further step towards Schaffs. Schaffs took a hesitant half-shuffle back.

Ficali did NOT get the plot. Ficali did NOT recognise this prelude to a courting ritual for what it was. The only thing Ficali DID recognise was that she was in a hurry for the keys.

Ficali: [clueless and somewhat lacking in patience] "Here let me get them for you."

Both Schaffs and Pretty Lady turned to stare, Ficali reached over to Pretty Lady and put a hand in her butt pocket. There were no keys there.

Ficali: [puzzled] "Oh!"
Pretty Lady: [irritated] "I meant they were here." [removed them from jacket pocket and handed them to Ficali]
Ficali: [surprised at how Pretty Lady managed to get her keys herself after all] "Oh!"
Pretty Lady: [stern] "You can get your hand out of my pocket now"

Ficali looked down, and realised to her horror that her hand was still in Pretty Lady's butt pocket. She quickly whipped it out, and stared assiduously at her feet. Pretty Lady opened the door herself and walked in.

Schaffs: [shaking his head in disappointment at Ficali] "man, I think that was meant for me!"
Ficali: [mortified] "oh."